Poetrying

Reality is broken, Can you feel it? The jagged edges of your lungs  As you’re breathing? Stuck motionless, Dry heaving, Losing hope, But your heart is still Beating.  Leaving Nirvana, On your knees in a pew, The walls close in, Unsure of what to do.  Smoke in your lungs, What month is it? Cold sweats, Late nights, The smell of alcohol in the air.  You’re here.  I said you are here.  Where? Here. And you are? Me?  My name is scared.  Come back to me.  For the love of God, please.  You’re my only need.  You’re my only need.  You’re my only need.  What are you giving me? What is this? What does the bottle say? What’s happening?  Where am I? We’re back? I’m sleepy, What did you Give me?

Mouth sewed shut Thoughts too fast, Tongue tied tight, It can't really last.  Suffocating rooms, Fears held fast, This will never last.  Dancing with the sun, Never did feel right.  Every morning  Comes too soon.  What's someone to do? Rampant is the system, Wreaking havoc without care.  Empathetic glares, It's all the same to me.  Apathetic stares, It's all the same, really.  Succumb to paranoia. 

  I am courage. I am sacrifice. I am loyalty and deceit. Deceptions and daydreams, I'll make you feel it all. No one is safe from me, though I do not exist. I will take your internal organs, and twist them in a knot. I'll draw the tears from your eyes and the trust from your heart. I'm not on your side, I'm just along for the ride. I am want, I am greed, jealousy, and everything in between. Some feel me, some don't. They use me, abuse me, and treat me like an object. A word. Just four letters long. They throw me, claim to know me, make me responsible for their evil deeds. And guess what? I'm even your apology. They need me, crave me, search, and seek. Some find me, some don't. Some pretend until they feel whole again. I'll make you give your life for someone, change yourself completely. You say you don't, you won't, but deep down you really need me. I am trust, I am lust, I am everything you want. I am right, I am wrong, I ...

Close proximity breeds friendship And friendship breeds secrets; Secrets I want to keep to myself. You can't say I didn't try. If I step out of line I swear I didn't try. If I jumped too high Or swung too low; If I sang too high And hit the wrong note, I swear I didn't try, I know I didn't try. And if I say I'm wrong, Place your bets And make them high Because you know I am. If I wrote a little sloppy And cut out a few lines, If I slipped with the pen, Burned myself with The lit end, Well, I swear I didn't try, I swear I really tried. If my thoughts seem choppy, If my head seems a mess, I promise you these Monsters are mine to Bear and I keep them close To the vest. But I swear I never tried. I swear I never tried. I tried until my Head slipped below the water; One last breath was stolen from My lungs by a kiss You could never know. You could never know.

I am nothing but a scared child, Virgin in the way that I try to Believe that the world has my Best interests in mind. All I'm really doing is Proving that I really am blind. If I keep this up much longer I'm merely using up my Borrowed time; cashed in Like stocks and bonds but Instead, I trade in secrets and Lies similar in the way that Each and every day is a Struggle just to leave my bed. The confines of a sick mind Don't go away just because The world won't slow down, The panic doesn't ease just Because you say calm down; God damn it these voices are All my own; please just be quiet, Like right now. Help means nothing if you're Merely trying to shut out What you view as an Annoyance; this allowance of Mine, time, it means nothing if It's spent trapped in my own Head like the beating heart Trapped under the floorboards Beneath your own bed. And this time I'm trading in just So that I can...

I wasn't thinking Quite right last night, And I know you remember  Every word.  I know I am not the reason You left, But call me a fool, Because I thought I Could be the reason you stayed.  If anyone asks the reason I left, Tell them I could Hear your smile in everything.  And I could not stop The tears from falling, But I thought maybe I could Distract you for a bit.  I wasn't thinking quite right Last night.  Was it suddenly easier to breathe? Did you finally smile  With your last breath? And if anyone asks why I left Tell them I saw you in everything.  I still see you  In everything.