Poetrying

Perfection; Disease; Infectious.  Prescription,  Generic? Lies.  Sugar-coated, So that you may Swallow it whole.  Don’t question  And you’re safe. And whatever you do, Do not allow for doubt, Depression, Or disease.  Oh yes, darling, This is our world, But you are My demise.  I hate you, I hate you, I love you.  Oops, that slipped.  Loose lips, Mistakes, Retakes, Late night, Goodnight, Fuck you, Love you, Goddamn Can’t make up my mind, Reflection, Inflection.  A mirrored waltz With His former self.  Rewind, Wind down, Take a minute, Don’t drown.  Renowned  For the venom  In your words And on the tip of your tongue, I’m done.

Reality is broken, Can you feel it? The jagged edges of your lungs  As you’re breathing? Stuck motionless, Dry heaving, Losing hope, But your heart is still Beating.  Leaving Nirvana, On your knees in a pew, The walls close in, Unsure of what to do.  Smoke in your lungs, What month is it? Cold sweats, Late nights, The smell of alcohol in the air.  You’re here.  I said you are here.  Where? Here. And you are? Me?  My name is scared.  Come back to me.  For the love of God, please.  You’re my only need.  You’re my only need.  You’re my only need.  What are you giving me? What is this? What does the bottle say? What’s happening?  Where am I? We’re back? I’m sleepy, What did you Give me?

Mouth sewed shut Thoughts too fast, Tongue tied tight, It can't really last.  Suffocating rooms, Fears held fast, This will never last.  Dancing with the sun, Never did feel right.  Every morning  Comes too soon.  What's someone to do? Rampant is the system, Wreaking havoc without care.  Empathetic glares, It's all the same to me.  Apathetic stares, It's all the same, really.  Succumb to paranoia. 

  I am courage. I am sacrifice. I am loyalty and deceit. Deceptions and daydreams, I'll make you feel it all. No one is safe from me, though I do not exist. I will take your internal organs, and twist them in a knot. I'll draw the tears from your eyes and the trust from your heart. I'm not on your side, I'm just along for the ride. I am want, I am greed, jealousy, and everything in between. Some feel me, some don't. They use me, abuse me, and treat me like an object. A word. Just four letters long. They throw me, claim to know me, make me responsible for their evil deeds. And guess what? I'm even your apology. They need me, crave me, search, and seek. Some find me, some don't. Some pretend until they feel whole again. I'll make you give your life for someone, change yourself completely. You say you don't, you won't, but deep down you really need me. I am trust, I am lust, I am everything you want. I am right, I am wrong, I ...

Close proximity breeds friendship And friendship breeds secrets; Secrets I want to keep to myself. You can't say I didn't try. If I step out of line I swear I didn't try. If I jumped too high Or swung too low; If I sang too high And hit the wrong note, I swear I didn't try, I know I didn't try. And if I say I'm wrong, Place your bets And make them high Because you know I am. If I wrote a little sloppy And cut out a few lines, If I slipped with the pen, Burned myself with The lit end, Well, I swear I didn't try, I swear I really tried. If my thoughts seem choppy, If my head seems a mess, I promise you these Monsters are mine to Bear and I keep them close To the vest. But I swear I never tried. I swear I never tried. I tried until my Head slipped below the water; One last breath was stolen from My lungs by a kiss You could never know. You could never know.

I am nothing but a scared child, Virgin in the way that I try to Believe that the world has my Best interests in mind. All I'm really doing is Proving that I really am blind. If I keep this up much longer I'm merely using up my Borrowed time; cashed in Like stocks and bonds but Instead, I trade in secrets and Lies similar in the way that Each and every day is a Struggle just to leave my bed. The confines of a sick mind Don't go away just because The world won't slow down, The panic doesn't ease just Because you say calm down; God damn it these voices are All my own; please just be quiet, Like right now. Help means nothing if you're Merely trying to shut out What you view as an Annoyance; this allowance of Mine, time, it means nothing if It's spent trapped in my own Head like the beating heart Trapped under the floorboards Beneath your own bed. And this time I'm trading in just So that I can...

I wasn't thinking Quite right last night, And I know you remember  Every word.  I know I am not the reason You left, But call me a fool, Because I thought I Could be the reason you stayed.  If anyone asks the reason I left, Tell them I could Hear your smile in everything.  And I could not stop The tears from falling, But I thought maybe I could Distract you for a bit.  I wasn't thinking quite right Last night.  Was it suddenly easier to breathe? Did you finally smile  With your last breath? And if anyone asks why I left Tell them I saw you in everything.  I still see you  In everything.

Screw it.  Take pills, Stay up, Until the  Whites of my eyes Turn red with  Sleepless nights.  Take your time  I'll be here, I'm always waiting Because that's my life.  Take advantage And try not to take flight  Bite down And bite back, Bite your tongue  And try not to crack. Take pills  To sleep  Because that's All I need.  Take pills to  Keep me sane, To keep me Sedated.  Take pills that No longer work, That only hurt, And nothing  Ever works. Become numb  To those around me, Take pills to Eradicate this  Restlessness, This Hellishness, This loneliness. 

You occupy my thoughts In a way that speaks of Subtly and simplicity.  Beautiful by design, Much in a minimalistic  Way of wanting What is not mine.  These thoughts that  Threaten to spill, I keep guarded and  Close to my heart, Every word that is Left unspoken  Seems to be laced With fear and calm.  What was once kept Hidden away now Threatens to pull Me down.  But if down is where You pull me... For once I wouldn't  Mind. If down is where My wanting pulls me For once I wouldn't  Mind.  And perhaps my  Biggest fear is not  The promised high, But instead the threat Of failure; the threat of Falling.  Falling into something  That should feel so very  Right.  But your limbs Entangled in mine  Are what feels so  Very right.  And feeling your chest Rise and fall With every breath  Keeps me at peace  For one more moment  Until daybreak when I turn to face reality... And of cours...

Depression is that kind of stillness that hits you late at night as you step off your porch to light a cigarette. The smoke hits your lungs with the same force as the night sky, the stars, and every single one of your regrets. It's that urgency of not moving when you know you're supposed to be somewhere, you just don't know where somewhere is. You step into the road past the trees to get a better look at the moon and realize you could be gone by the time dawn breaks and besides, who would miss you anyway? Loneliness is what makes up the darkness surrounding each star, and I'd love to believe that you are the light that illuminates the snow below my feet, but to do that I must ask, where are you? And who are you? I suppose you could ask the same of me, but what would that achieve, I mean really? It's the way that the room drops ten degrees every time I chance a look and The Forward is glaring back at me. It's the unsure footing as you trace the miles along a map,...

For once, I did not fear life And instead looked death In the eye and begged That he take me. And for once, Fate stepped in And showed that, Perhaps, That was not to be. Not now, at least. And for the first time, In a long time, I gave myself To the moon and the stars And the universe that Enveloped me. I told my God To take me, To do away with the Suffering that made Noise in my ears Similar to that of the Waves crashing at my feet. And when it came time To fill my lungs with All the lies I had ever told, I second guessed myself. I asked, "Why am I begging for death?" All that I needed to Kill me was a false Sense of trust, security, And hope. That was when I knew, That was when I was sure That I was not done here, Wherever here may have Been. And home changed for me, Like the flip of a switch I found myself home Every time I crossed That threshold into Letting go. For the first time, I felt What it was to truly be alive. When I woke the next mornin...

I wish you saw The galaxies in your eyes, That I do. I wish you saw the left star Of Orion's Belt Sparkle in your Pupil when you speak Of your loves, Your hardships, And your passions. I wish you saw The waning moon In the curve of your Smile When you catch me Staring. I wish that you saw The Supernovas That explode From within Your chest When anger busts Forth from every Crack she made in you. I wish you saw the Peace displayed Like a map across your Features In the early morning Before the sun rises. I'm pretty sure it could Cure the world. I wish you saw What I see, At three in the morning When I'm restless And lacking sleep, The beauty that You portray. Your movements Speak in poetry, The kind that has never Graced the pen of any Author. The soul that you house, Is most likely beyond The comprehension Of most, An angel walks among Us, but we take it for granted, In the way that we do nothing But tear her down. I wish you saw yourself The way that I see...

With the moon Above her head, And the stars at Her feet, Throwing themselves, So that they may rain From the heavens Just to witness her Beauty. She'll tell you That she loves you, And she'll mean Every word, She'll have you Dizzy from a feeling, Using words you've Never heard. She'll find you at You're weakest, And build you back To new. She'll have you Missing things, That you never used To do. She'll stain every Aspect of your life, With colors New to you, She'll show you That there's light In everything you do. She'll teach you All you want to know, Of love and life And hurt. You'll regret nothing More than watching Her go, And forget how to Sleep without Her touch. You'll realize you Need it, like The way that you Need her in every Aspect of your Breathing. You will pretend For far too long That your heart Does anything But beat for her, You will fight a Feeling in your Being that was As natu...

So careful, I killed you. You'll kill me When your time comes. Break down, Baseball bat, You'll take it down Instead of just 'Scratch that'. Head held high, Eye socket, Broken beyond Recognition, That you had When you had That, Hold back, Break down, Pretend that you Can stick around. Toxic, sick to The stomach, You know that, You know that. Hold on but, Don't crack, Pretend that you That you That you Have that. Lawsuit, Like you Know it's true, But don't let on That you Know that. Drink this, And smoke that Enjoy the ride, And just Sit back. Don't blow it, Don't show it, You've lost You're cool, And they Know that. This guilt It eats you, Simplicity, In all virtue. You'll show then, You'll own them, Take your place In the gutter. You owe that, But don't own that. You'll hold your Head up high Despite thunder.

I want it all I had it all when You were here But you left and I guess We don't Talk about it Anymore, my dear. And I wanted To be everything, But I guess we Couldn't do it, I guess I Beat you to it And this fall is Just too much now And my heart, It beats too fast, now, And we talk about it Late nights, How it can't last But, You don't seem to Mind that now, Do you Baby Girl? I lost feeling now, Like rubies In my chest, Making this sound Like it's pretty, Baby, I'm really just A mess and I hold back like You would not believe But that's okay 'cause You don't really Need me, but I hoped that You could have Held on a Little longer and Maybe I just Could not believe That I gave so much to you, So there's nothing left for me. How about the Fact that life is lived and I've made no impact and Maybe the way my Thoughts Are racing, the way That you left me So complacent in this Heartache always So adjacent to...

I'll break what's left of you, I'll rip your last breath from you And at the point of No return, You won't even Fight it. I'll kill all that's become of you, And I'll take what you need For granted, These needs and wants are What do you in anyway. And I'll pull everything Out from under you, You'll wish you hadn't let Your walls down for me, But you did, that mistake is Made and there's No going back. I'll hold you at night, While the ceiling spins Beneath the stars. Come on, baby, get high, There's no one watching Anymore. I have no regard for What you've told me In confidence, Truth be told I'll use it Against you until you Fold, Under the pressure of A life you never even thought You would have. A taste of the good life, Turned sour in your mouth, Am I why your Words are slurred? Am I not your Problem, now? So write the note, And leave your home, Comfort never was Your forte. When you return I'll be gon...

I call her soul Ocean; Mine Earth. She's shaped me in a way That leaves tourists In my valleys Breathless. She speaks mists; She thinks typhoons, And at night when She rains on me, I give way to mud; Sticky; slow; Languid; Taking every shape, Every form. I lie awake thinking Of how to unite in such a way That honors the Heavens, But every time that I try, I crumble, Dried out by time and drought. I blow away in the wind From her fan That sits on the floor Of her room In the dark, I whisper Ocean I whisper Ocean I pull away when she boils, Afraid that I might burn, Forgetting I am dirt, I am stone, I am Earth. I call her Ocean, She whispers Earth. We make beaches. We make dunes. We make continents; We make plans. We make earthquakes and When she laughs, I dance. She says Tell me more, I gesture vaguely, And she knows.

Passions be a curse, If patience be a virtue, The way the thunder claps in time To the sound of the neighbor's celebrations of life Remind me I'm stuck. Here, In a hole of forest green And burgundy, And try as I might, Every time I free Myself from the mud It makes noises, Like an overloaded washer, Before pulling me back down. What sort of life Can one have when Stuck in fall colors, You may ask. "It is this one, The one I live," Will be my answer, "It is this wonder and Magick on the breath of the full moon That I carry inside me Like a crypt; an empty tomb. I show you sparkles And fae, And you ask me what of it. Say, I can claim this Peak for my own, Plant flags for all The times I have ascended it; I call it by name, Like a lover. I practice the divine daily, So that I may see Forest green and Burgundy for what It may be; Such beauty."