Perhaps

For once, I did not fear life And instead looked death In the eye and begged That he take me. And for once, Fate stepped in And showed that, Perhaps, That was not to be. Not now, at least. And for the first time, In a long time, I gave myself To the moon and the stars And the universe that Enveloped me. I told my God To take me, To do away with the Suffering that made Noise in my ears Similar to that of the Waves crashing at my feet. And when it came time To fill my lungs with All the lies I had ever told, I second guessed myself. I asked, "Why am I begging for death?" All that I needed to Kill me was a false Sense of trust, security, And hope. That was when I knew, That was when I was sure That I was not done here, Wherever here may have Been. And home changed for me, Like the flip of a switch I found myself home Every time I crossed That threshold into Letting go. For the first time, I felt What it was to truly be alive. When I woke the next morning I had crashed, And I was no longer Immortal. Instead, I was a small child Praying that I could escape A hell of my own creation. When it came time to Give up, You did not let me. You told me, "Your flaws Are perfection, and the world Won't let you believe that, So you must give yourself that Permission." Just like that, I was done. I was gone and to this day, I have not returned. But when the Night is at its most quiet; That place in the dark That you aren't entirely sure Exists? That's where I live. In the recesses of a Sick mind, Where escape is futile, and You spend your time Grasping at straws. So when you decide that You miss me, Whisper my name to the moon, Like an old friend. I'll be there, waiting.